May You Understand

Have you ever loved someone, desperately hoping for their love in return, but never received love back? It could be a friend you desired to be close to, a parent whose emotional needs were too great, a sibling controlled by addictions, or a boyfriend or girlfriend who was selfish and nonempathic. The person you loved was critical, even abusive at times; took but did not give; was manipulative and controlling; couldn't ever apologize; and was self-centered. In other words, the relationship was destructive to your self-worth, but for some reason you couldn't break away. You couldn't even explain why you were  attracted to this person in the first place.

So you began to overeat or not eat at all. In my case, I stopped eating three full meals a day. Instead, my meals became only small snacks — thus, a picture of two granola bars.

I lost weight drastically and I was not overweight to begin with. I was still a teenager. People began to notice. They even became concerned. I was receiving attention from many people, but not from the person I wanted so desperately to care. I ate this little for several months. I was destroying myself. It felt good and it felt bad. I couldn't stop.

Then God started to remind me of the vastness of His love and that His love was sufficient! I didn't need to look elsewhere. As I once again studied the Scriptures and brought those precious truths to my heart, I was able to gain the strength and courage to approach the person that was hurting me so much. I knew I was taking the chance of loosing that person forever, but I was willing now to accept that. I painfully explained to the person all the hurts I had experienced in the relationship and to my grievous disappointment, the person did not respond. The person showed no emotion, said no words of healing and sat there expressionless. It was not the outcome I had hoped for, but it was expected. Again I felt good and terrible all at the same time. I stood up for my self-worth and I knew God was pleased. However, I lamented for a period of time for a lost relationship I immensely desired, but no longer needed.

I began to eat again and never again have I been tempted to fall back into that destructive mode. Why? Because I am complete in God's love! These are my favorite verses in the Bible. May the words be forever imprinted in your mind and the love of God be deeply rooted in your heart today.

"And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust

in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should,

how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is."

Ephesians 3:17-18