An Insult Disguised As A Compliment

Has someone ever given you an insult disguised as a compliment?

Here are a few of the examples I've heard:

• "Your children are so brilliant! Where did they get their brilliance from?"
• "You're lucky you don't have to work." (This referred to a stay-home mom.)
• "You are much more (a positive adjective) than your siblings." (Teenagers might think it is OK for them to insult their siblings, but not someone else.)
• "Your parents are quite attractive-looking. What happened to you?" (This referred to a teenage boy who was going through the acne stage.)
• I am sorry, but it is your fault I . . . . (This started out as an apology, but ended with an accusation.)
• When I am not with you, I think of you, but when I am with you I think of so-and-so. (This is a comment from a guy to his girlfriend when he didn't succeed in getting his way with her.)
• "You may not be the prettiest girl in the family, but you make up for it in personality." (This referred to a young girl who was burnt on the side of her face when she was a baby.)

Do we remember the compliment or the insult? Let me answer: We remember the insult. I can guarantee you that posing an insult as a compliment doesn't mitigate the hurt or psychological damage.

People who use a compliment to hide an insult are trying to deceive you. They want you to be initially confused, because if you're not too sure how to respond, they can get away with their insult. It's only later as you digest their words that you feel the puncture wound. In other words, people use this tactic to trick you into accepting the blow of their insult without comment. This is called "psychological manipulation". Wikipedia defines this type of manipulation as "social influence that aims to change the perception or behaviour of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics."

Manipulation is a sin. People use it to elevate themselves, by degrading others.

How should Christians deal with this type of behaviour from others? See it as it is: a form of manipulation and a tactic of the devil. Don't allow other people's insults to take root and fester inside you.

A person that psychologically manipulates has a jealous and selfish heart.

"For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition,

there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

James 3:16 (NLT)

If you're hurting from an insult wound, go to God, talk to Him about it, and allow Him to soothe you with the truths from His Word.